I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
