I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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