dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
