she was so not down for the gang bang
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
