My room smells like vodka and shame
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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