if i died would you start the facebook group?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
