running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
