Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
