Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
