Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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