Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
