So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
