So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
