I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
