it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
