She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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