Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
