great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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