That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
