i barfeds in our rink
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
