i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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