literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need to get me chipped asap
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
