Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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