omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
