Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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