mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you had me at cake vodka
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
