I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
