I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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