I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
