Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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