you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
