That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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