Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
