We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
