im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
