just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
