I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
