She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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