you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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