Christians are straight up FREAKS
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
