I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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