someone get that fucking seahorse.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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