Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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