So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
