my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
