I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
