Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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