yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
