i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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