He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
