Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
