He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
