remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do vagina's smell?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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