Sry I called you an 8
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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