Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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