tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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