WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
