Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
