he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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