I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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