Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
