wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
