Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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