Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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