I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize