Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
