I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
