I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
