rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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