This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
