There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
