Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
