no, he came in my armpit
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
