I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
