i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
