I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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