I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
