I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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