the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
