she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
