i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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