Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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