I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
