So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk is a universal language darling
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
