my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
