that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize