just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
