You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
