if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
