I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
