I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
