You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
