Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
