there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
