Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
