I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
