this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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