Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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