idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There r osticjed everywhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
