I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
