Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
