just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
