I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
