On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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