Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
