last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
