"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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