Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
