so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
