Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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