someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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