the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
