Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
