did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
