Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
