It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
