This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
