I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
