she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
